Mind Trips

I met psychology, he was so Good Looking, so witty, so shrewd. I fell in love with him. We were going to get married.
My family said no, rejected him And sent him packing. I came back hurt and bewildered. I was heartbroken I’d lost my one true love. Crippled by the fear of being hurt again . So I settled for one of the most sane ones Geography.


If a sunflower can dream.

In a world that is practical. I’d love to go with you to Spain or maybe italy drive fast cars with you. Enjoy the evening rides at the sunset in my vintage convertible. Early at sunrise take a walk on the beach together. And just lie there in each other’s arms saying nothing but feeling so much gratitude that we have found a better part of ourselves, being with each other.

But my darling the world isn’t practical we’re bounded by the shallow laws of ethnicity and society. All this can only be thoughts embedded in our subconscious thoughts we will never accept. Because in acceptance we fear the thought of being hurt.

I leave you be ‘from a little sunflower…

Puddle and ocean

Dear puddle,

Why lead me to the ocean?

Here I am in the ocean, “I can’t swim!” Those thoughts I ponder… “What the fuck am I doing here?” I cursed. But still I sank deeper! I couldn’t get out. Is it a conation? I asked, but no answer came. The ocean was empty, absolutely empty! I just lay there immersed in my thoughts. For some weird reasons, I wanted to remain in the ocean, I wanted to sink deeper. I guess it’s because beneath me was absolutely beautiful. But you know, the bottom of an ocean is beautiful, if you stay too long you’ll sink. My fate is what I cannot discern.

After I kissed him, we slipped into bed together and I felt his naked body press against mine. He leaned in and we kissed gently. Our tongues explored each others mouth. It felt really nice and I realized what a good kisser he was. I was a little tense when I felt his hand rest on my stomach. I still wasn’t used to his hands on my body.

His motions were so tender and gentle. He broke our kiss and his mouth travelled down to my breast. His tongue flicked over my nipple and delightful waves of pleasure coursed through my body.
God, that feels good. I could feel my nipples harden as he licked and gently sucked them.
Damn, this is kinda nice.
His mouth moved lower and he kissed my stomach. It tickled a little, in a good way, a very good way.

“Stop!” I yelled, “please don’t go further.”

Victor Schmidt: Why not, I thought you liked it.

Lara Michaels: I do, I I….I.. just think its a little too early. I don’t know, I think I’m over thinking it. I want you believe me, I do. I just thin.. think.. Ooh I don’t know Vic…

Victor Schmidt: Lara relax, okay you know what. I’ll stop. I don’t want to do something you’ll regret.

Lara Michaels: Don’t stop, I want you!

He pulled me against his chest and kissed me affectionately. He kissed me everywhere, from my high prominent cheek bones to my nipples then he lowered to my belly button. “ooh my, is he really going to kiss me down there?” I thought, my legs fidgeting due to the rush of emotion. As he lowered down, I braced myself for what was about to come. Grr! Grrr! His phone rang… “I’ll get it later he said, but the stupid phone wouldn’t stop ringing. I was pissed and I didn’t understand why.

Victor Schmidt: Let me just check who is calling. It’s Sara! I have to pick this, something might be wrong with her or mother.

He answered the phone and kept it on speaker

Victor Schmidt: Hello! How are you? Is everything okay with mother and yo…

Sara Schmidt: Oh please! Where on earth have you been? You left me here right, ooh I get it. I’m crippled now so I’m useless. You just have to treat me like shit, I hate you. You’re the worst I regret the day I met you. You’re a fucking retard. You piece of shi…

Victor Schmidt: You screamed that I should get out, you threatened to tell the police I was abusing you. You sent me out of the house and you call to insult me? I’m trying Sara, I have been there and you know it. What else do you want me to do?

Sara Schmidt: You shouldn’t have come back early. I said I wanted space, not you should go forever!

She yelled, her voice. So sharp and cold, piercing but in a distasteful way

Victor Schmidt: I’m not in the mood for your nonsense, is mother awake?

Sara Schmidt: You just cant wait to divorce me. Just as your father left you and your mother and ran away. You’re so eager to repeat history.

Victor Schmidt: You went partying with your friends and got drunk while carrying our baby. You made this choice. You’re responsible for your situation. I also lost something that night. I lost my baby girl because of your selfish act. You were pregnant Sara, you shouldn’t have been drinking. I’ve had some alcohol and I’m quite cranky. I don’t care anymore. The divorce will be final. I can’t simply be with someone who doesn’t see how much I try. Yes I didn’t have an accident and I never have. But I’ve helped in supporting and being there for you in every possible way. I have made sacrifices despite everything. You had always wanted the divorce before the accident. So fine, lets get it over with.

I was so confused, I felt invisible. One minute I almost had Curtis with a married man I find interesting. The next minute his wife is in the room with us. What a night!

Sara Michaels: Vic! Please don’t, you know I have no one else, you’re all I’ve got. It was a mistake. I love you. I’m so…o so sorry (sobs). Please don’t leave me. Sometimes I feel like killing myself. Its because I’m in pain that’s why I act like this sometimes. Please come home, please my love.

Victor Schmidt: You’re having suicidal thoughts. Ooh my! Try to relax Sara, I’ll be with you soon.

The call ends. He picks up his shirt from the left corner of the bed.
“Lara sweetheart, I’m so sorry I have to go. I’m very sorry you had to hear all that. Ordinarily I don’t like confrontations. I think the alcohol helped out with that. I have to go now my wife needs me”

Lara Michaels: Okay then, go to your wife, I understand

I was instantly filled with fret and confusion. My mind just couldn’t really process what just happened.

Victor Schmidt: I’m so sorry Lara.

He bent over and kissed my forehead, then went for my lips, but I retrenched.

Lara Michaels: Let’s leave it there, shall we.

He shrugged. Took his car keys and left. I felt like, I was in shock. Like a bride left on an altar. Maybe not exactly that but at least close. I couldn’t imagine how Lana must have felt when my brother publicly humiliated her. At least this was a different circumstance and it was private. His wife wasn’t even present literarily but still I felt like crap. Funny how things turn around so quickly, I thought. One minute you are playing free in a puddle the next you find that you have gone deep into the ocean. The worst part is you enjoy every bit of it…

“I don’t want to ever speak with him again”. I said out loud, but even the mouth that spat the words knew they were false. A part of me has fallen for his shrewd self and was intrigued by his personality. I definitely wish to see him again. This will either eat me up or perhaps leave me hoping for happiness and that would only be a fluke… I lay immersed in my thoughts about victor; the kiss, what was about to happen and how he left. I knew I needed to jerk out of my delusions but I couldn’t muster the strength.

Dear puddles, why lead me to the bloody ocean…

Word of the day: CONATION

Tequila’s and wine’s

Soon we got to ” bogobiri bar “ it was as earthy and good looking as I could remember. There’s always an air of relaxation, with sweet jazz playing in the background, it’s beautiful stone crested walls, palm tables, expressive paintings hanging on the wall and lovely comfortably cushions. We sat at our spot, that’s what we called it. It’s a table by the left corner facing the beautiful painting of Lagos lagoon. Olanna and I love the painting. Because we had different interpretations of it everytime. So we made the table in front of it our regular spot. As we got fully seated the waiter came to take orders. I requested for a glass of red wine, I always preferred a wine of Cabernet Sauvignon red grape. I love the dense, tanic rich taste. Though sometimes I take shots of tequila but this time I needed to be at ease. So I had a glass of fine Cabernet Sauvignon grape wine. While Olanna requested for a glass of “bloody Mary cocktail “ she preferred the peppery, soured alcoholic taste. I think it’s a fine drink but I always prefer my wine. As we sipped our drinks I asked ” what’s the deal with this guy?

Olanna Ugo: Ooh Vic! ( she’s fond of giving people nick names). Well that guy has a lot going, I tell you.

Lara Michaels: What’s up with him, what happened to his mum and wife? Please Lana just tell me all about him. I was really mean to him. I’m curious. I want to know what you know.

Olanna Ugo: Girl! It’s a lot. ( she’s already a little hammered as she’s a light- headed) Felicity his mum was drugged and raped so she lost it. It affected her reasoning, some nerves where jammed and she went crazy. If she’s left alone she tries to hurt herself, she attempted suicide severally. she’s been like that since he was fourteen years of age. He’s father couldn’t deal with the situation so he left Victor and Felicity and remarried.

Lara Michaels: Holy shit! That’s a lot. That makes sense that’s why he’s a psychiatrist. And his wife? Sara! Isn’t that her name?

Olanna Ugo: Yes! Poor Sara, she was coming from a friends, it was winter in Sweden.

I was surprised at the word” Sweden ” . so I cut in…

Lara Michaels: Sweden! Were they living in Sweden?

Olanna Ugo: He’s Swedish, he was a neuro surgeon in psychiatry, teaching the resident doctors classes when i was doing my fellowship inBeckomberga hospital”, in Bromma, Sweden. So back to my story… On Sara’s way home she had an accident, it was a stormy winter night the roads were slippery and she was coming back from a friends party and as an alcoholic she was drunk and didn’t use her seat belt. So the damage was really bad.

Lara Michaels: Jeez! That’s terrible. Ooh my goodness.

Olanna Ugo: she had issues with her spinal cord so her legs are useless. But luckily for her are remaining senses are fine. And she’s a little bit of trouble. Even before the accident she was a difficult person. So Victor moved to Nigeria for a united nations job on mental health. We both accepted the job, he really wanted the job because he wanted to evince to the world that giving what you have matters. Me because I have no choice, I’m Nigerian I have to help my society.

I couldn’t stop thinking about everything. Joe showed up at Bogobiri bar, I think Olanna sent him the address. But they both pretended it was a coincidence but I knew it was bullocks. But at this point I didn’t care at all, all I could think about was Victor. How he was dealing with everything. How overwhelming it would be for him. Taking care of a sick mum and wife. I wanted to find him that night. I really wanted to. I wanted to tell him how sorry I was for being so insensitive. But I couldn’t, as I did not know where he lived. I thought to myself “maybe ask Lana since she’s pretty hammered”. But then he’s married and Olanna mentioned how difficult his wife was. I couldn’t do anything I just sat still left with my thoughts couldn’t make a word or move a muscle. The only time I moved a muscle and spat some words was when I called for shots of tequila. Somehow I felt I offended everyone even the day itself.

It’s quarter past ten and at this time Olanna and Joe (the artist) were all smuggling up, in the couch right behind. I think they were making out. I wasn’t so sure, I couldn’t look, I was married with thoughts. I could only hear their giggling and whispering. Well lucky girl Olanna, at least she found an item on her “sexket list”.

Olanna Ugo: Lara, Joe and I want to check out the hotel. I’ve heard the bed is amazing! ( she said with a bright smile, a wink and a raised brow)

Lara Michaels: I’ve heard as well. ( I said sarcastically with a smile and a grin on my face)

Joe( the artist): No really ! It’s nothing, we’re just going to do an artistic survey.( weird smiles)

I dragged Olanna aside, ” listen babe are you sure you want to do this. You just met him.”

Olanna Ugo: (smiles) Remember my sexket list? He fits into number 10 and number 15. So I’m so going to do him. Your girl is going to get laid tonight. hahaha..”

Lara Michaels: I know about it. But you’re drunk, I just wanted to know if you still want to go through with it.

Olanna Ugo: I’ve been depressed for 6 months because my boyfriend since high school which is your brother, left me for my 40 year Aunt on our wedding day. Told me even at 40 my aunt is still in shape and way hotter than I am. Even if she’s 10 years older than him. I’m trying to loose weight it’s not easy, it wasn’t my fault. You know I gained the weight after surgery. I understand that you’re just trying to be a good friend and looking out for me. But I would love you to stop looking at Joe with your judgmental look. And let me have some fun. I could use this!

Lara Michaels: Okay! I’m i i …I’m so sorry. I’ve told you how sorry I am about Philip. He has always been the spoilt one. I’m so sorry Lana about everything. Have some fun, we’ll talk in the morning. But before you go please give me Victor’s number. I need to apologize to him.

Olanna Ugo: Okay Lara I will . (she gave me his mobile number). Take care sweetheart.

Olanna and Joe left for the “Bogobiri guest house”. I suddenly felt an air of sadness. My own brother, broke my best friend into pieces. It was such a complicated case. The 23rd of April. A day my mum fervently looked up to. As a Yoruba woman, she planned the wedding for months wanted it to be perfect. She wanted to the whole world to know her only son was getting married. The look and her face when he dumped Olanna, my mum passed out. Literarily. On the floor of the church. She couldn’t bare the shame of her son leaving his bride on the altar, because of he claims he’s in love bride’s aunt. It was unheard off. She cried for months. And kept begging him to come back to his senses. Mum believed Philip was cursed, by a witch. She couldn’t bring herself to believe her poor little Philip would hurt another woman so bad. She went to different churches, sicking for some spiritual intervention.

But there was nothing wrong with my brother. Or perhaps there was, only not a witch’s curse. But a spoilt, selfish little brat inside of him.

I called for my third shot of tequila, and my thoughts drifted back to Victor. I thought of what to say when I call. I couldn’t think.of anything. But I still wanted to call, so I dialed his number. “Grr..grr..grr! Hello! Victor Schmidt here, who I’m I speaking with… Hello… Hello..”( the call cuts..) I was silent I couldn’t make a word. But I called again. ( this time I spoke)

Lara Michaels: Hey Victor it’s Lara Michaels. Lana’s friend.

Victor Schmidt: ooh hi, how may I help you?

Lara Michaels: Victor! I’m really sorry for how I reacted. I had no idea… I’m so very sorry.

Victor Schmidt: You sound weird, where are you?

Lara Michaels: I’m at Bogobiri bar, getting my grove up. You’re missing… Where are you?

Victor Schmidt: I see. Too much to drink I suppose. I’m at Bogobiri guest house.

Lara Michaels: What are you doing here? Ahh I see, you’re stalking me!

I’m right behind you” he said, I felt a tap on my back. I turned around. “Ooh you’re here for real, what are you doing here.”

Victor Schmidt: I already gave my mum some morphines and sedatives. But I’m here because my wife threw me out! I couldn’t even drive here I was brought here by the poor Ucalegon.”Peter” he needed a place to crash after his house burnt to the ground, but couldn’t stay at mine as my threw us both out of the house.

I was shocked at this, ” my wife threw me out”. Why would his wife throw him out, I thought to myself. He called for a shot of tequila. And then he started talking about how difficult his wife has been after the accident. How she breaks things and had the worst temper. And sometimes he gets so overwhelmed he doesn’t know what more to do. I told him to change topics, as I could sense his wife’s topic upset him. Later he talked about his love for books, and apparently we both love ” John Green ” he admired how awesome he writes. I loved that he loved ” John Green “. “I have a collection of his books at home. But I have one here” he mentioned . which one” I asked. “An abundance of Katherine’s” he replied. Ooh I don’t know that one, I’ve only read’ a fault in our stars’ and ‘Will Grayson Will Grayson’ ” I replied. Then I asked if I could see the book. We went into his hotel room together. We talked about the book. He opened a bottle of wine, we had a few glasses. We laughed a lot. He wasn’t as bad as I thought, I had thought to myself. He talked about my eyes how bright they are, and how he can’t stop staring at them. How in a long time he laughed for real. He moved closer and gently pecked me on the lips. I jerked away. Then reproached, pulled him against my chest and kissed him…

Word of the day “Ucalegon”

13 hours to Sweden

I’m writing a new story called “13 hours to Sweden”.

It’s a love story filled with, pain, love, and different true life experiences. It’s about a Nigerian girl named Lara Michaels that fell In Love with a biracial man named Victor Schmidt. Victor is a Mexican/Swedish psychiatrist and Lara Michaels is a Nigerian physiotherapist. There will be 10 chapters so we have a long ride to the end together๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿ™Œ.

Gringos and Collectables

  I sat still, gwaping at my shadow. So plain, so simple, a lot much taller. And I wondered why. Why taller? Why plain? Why simple? Why so at ease? When the body itself is complicated, overwhelmed, hurt. I jerked up and started running. I ran so fast that I couldn’t find my shawdow anymore. But then my shadow had taken the next train back home, because the sun was out again. So I fell on my feet and wept for the absence of what I once ran away from. But was it all about the shadow or perhaps I wept for the absence of something greater!

My name Lara Michaels I’m a nigerian girl who fell in love with a biracial man. 

   It is a wet saturday afternoon in Lagos, the traffic was insane. I had an event on “How the society affects mental illness” at Terra kulture. The event was supposed to be by 4:30, its 4:15 and I’m here still stuck in traffic. Even if i stay not too far off here in Lekki. On a traffic free day its about 20 minutes to victoria island from Lekki. But today just wasn’t it. I left my apartment 3:30 so i could make it early but here I am stuck in lagos traffic, driving in my  white beetle car. How my friends hate the car. Especially Olanna, she feels it makes me look poor and too ancient for a 26year old. I couldn’t care less, I loved collectables. I had bought the Peugeot bettle from a 90 year old man that lived across the street, it was quite new. He took good care of it.

  Soon I arrived at the parking lot just in front of the event centre (TERRA KULTURE), I kept a stop to my car engine and called Olanna. Her phone rang but she didn’t pick up ” where could she be” I thought to myself. “Perhaps she’s in the event centre already, I should go in and check”. Olanna was supposed to come over to my apartment 2 hours earlier, we had planned on going to the event together. Since I waited and she didn’t show up and wasn’t picking her calls, I decided to come anyways. ” shit! I’m 30minutes late” I dashed out of my beautiful collectable and ran into event centre. Somehow I still got a little wet by the rain. On getting in, the stage play was just starting the hall was almost full.I searched for Olanna but couldn’t find her. So I saw an empty looking seat, I passed in between the audience seated.  I had a gasping sound from the actors, got distracted and sat on a seat I supposed. Argh! What are you? Blind?  The man I supposedly sat on raged. “I’m so very sorry was so distracted by the play”  I replied, everyone turned around and all eyes was on me for a few seconds with mumblings in the background until OLANNA saved me. “Ppssss! Hey, girl over here” I followed the sound of her voice and saw Olanna waving her left hands for me to come over. I went over to her and we started with our small talks. 

Lara Michaels: Girl! I was worried sick, I tried calling you several times. But your number wasn’t reachable.

Olanna: Well that’s because your stupid phone is the problem, tried calling it several times as well. But no the damn thing doesn’t read signals. You need to throw it away. Also I had a meeting with my fellow psychiatrist.

Lara Michaels: LANA! (short for Olanna”) come on. Now you’re going to blame it on my phone. Really! 

(Both chukkles)

 “Shhhhhhh!” A sound  came behind from  the man with a pipe stuck in his mouth. ” listen if you’re not interested in the play get out!”   We both had an amusing expression worn on our faces, then we smiled at each other and focused on the play.

 The play lasted for 30 minutes though I talked with Olanna halfway through it. It’s barely 5 minutes left. Yet I feel like I quite understood the play. It was about how the society affects mental illness through negligence and other menances. I had a more foggy interpretation truthfully. I hadn’t paid much attention. Soon the stage play was over and then, PHASE II started. It was time for poetry lovers and art lovers,  to express their thoughts through poetry and art. The theatre was divided into two sections, the poetry lovers on the left and then the art lovers on the right. I love art, but poetry stole my heart. Perhaps it’s because it leaves me with pieces of puzzles. I stayed with poetry and would join art later. Unlike Olanna who liked art more and would claim she loves art because of a cute guy on dread that caught her eyes. So many poets came out expressing their works of art which was their mind. Some wore mask to hide their identities. There were rumours that among those beneath the mask where, celebrities, people in the government, famous authors, bloggers and writers. It was beautiful, different people with different background, and with similar thoughts. It was absolutely grandiose. I immediately wished I had a glass of wine as I watched the event. For me wine grapes are lovely but a Cabernet Sauvignon or Bordeaux wine will do. For some weird reasons Bordeaux clears my mind off side talks and I focus better. Weird isn’t it? Oh well soon enough you’ll learn more about my other super powers. So back to the story… The event was so grandiose until he spoke. Yes there’s a he, damn he’s annoying. I got up from where I was seated and was walking to the art session when I heard his voice caught my attention. It was precise, judgemental but I will admit it beautiful. The best poetry I heard that night. I somehow found myself back in my seat lust with his words. His words piercing and gentle. The accent, I couldn’t recognize. Perhaps Italian or French I couldn’t tell. 

 He’s poetry tells….


    We stand so tall, we wear our garments called pride and our boots called confidence. And say Yes! I’m the king. I make the rules. I decide. What if this, what if that. And so there we are, left with an army to protect, to inspire to oblivion, but look at us. We’re lions, and we eat our cubs for breakfast, our lioness for diner and then we adorn ourselves with jewelleries made from their broken bones shattered by our teeth.  Look at us, just look at us. We have soaked ourselves in the blood of those we once knew as family. Society this, society that. We Blame the society, but we forget that make the society . You,me, us. We all make up the society. It is time to actually do something. And let “what’s if” sleep.

  (Applaudes by the audience) My mouth was dry everything!  The saliva gland had gone on the next train to Australia. The remains of the mashed potatoes I had for lunch in my teeth had eloped to Greenland with remains of the thyme soup I had with it.  My mouth felt like a desert, but my mind was on the contrary was a fast moving train with chatters in it and noises everywhere. There were so many voices and for a second I couldn’t decern which  to listen too. There was a noisy market in this train called my mind.

 He was right the indigenous accent guy, soon the train ( my mind) starts to slow down.And I thought for a while about my aunt Josephine’s mental illness. If somehow I’m responsible for it. By not doing much. Maybe if I had checked up on her more often. Or made small talks with her. Perhaps made her take a walk or exercise, or write down her feelings in a book, or play mind games like chess. Made her do something to burn the negative energy. Perhaps she would have been sane. And she wouldn’t stare at the wall for hours like she now does.  I Immediately felt an air of bitterness.

 He was right, everything in his poetry was true. Except for the fact that he made himself sound so righteous. I was suddenly filled with hate for someone I praised a moment ago. What I hated the most was the effect he had on me. Nobody ever had such effect on me. 

  I moved over to the art session and met with Olanna. She was with the artist, the guy with a dread hair and caramel skin. He looked like the Jamaican Rastafarians. Lana giggling all the time, even at things that weren’t funny. What a slut. She’s not even interested in he’s artistic talks, she’s only doing it to fulfill her number tenth and number fifteen item on her “Sexket list” like she calls it ( a list for sex fantansies she would like to have, twenty two sexual ideas on the list I tell you). “No. 10 Have sex with an artist, No. 15 Have sex with a cute dread headed man ”  so he fits two of her sexket list items properly. Poor guy. Perhaps he’s not innocent himself. He’s been gwaping  at Lana like a hungry dog. I caught him staring at her boobs twice.Soon the event came to a close and people where seen together making small talks, laughing and gigglings. 

 Olanna Ugo: Hey girl, what’s up did you enjoy the poetry?

Lara Michaels: Ooh it was alright. Except for some guy in the mask. He’s poetry was good but still, he was damn judgemental.  

Olanna Ugo: Well I’m not surprised they’re lots of ” I know it all “ in poetry. Meet my new handsome, intelligent friend “Joe Dandy” he’s an artist and he has really nice dreads ( she winked at me, but I already figured out about the sexket list situation) He’s from Haiti, so he’s French is quite good. Joe meet Lara my best friend she’s a physiotherapist .

Lara Michaels: Nice to meet you Joe.

Joe Dandy:  My pleasure.madmollse

 I left the two proposed love birds and I took a walk around the gallery. The paintings were direct and attractive to look at. The one that mostly fascinated me was that of people falling off a bus. “I know right! The painting has a deeper meaning and that’s probably what your soul finds”.

  I know that voice anywhere, though the accent is more clearer. It’s the poetry guy! I turned to see the face of whom must have spoken. My God! He was gorgeous! Which only made me hate  him more. He’s eyes were blue, or maybe green it was difficult to say. His lips were neatly craved. He’s fine blonde hair and his well chiseled nose. And then I noticed a scar on his chin. 

Olanna : Ahh Victor! I see you’ve met my childhood friend  Lara Michaels.  Victor Schmidt meet the beautiful Lara Michaels. Remember her, you once admired her picture on my phone.

Victor Schmidt: Now I see why. You’re even prettier than in the photos.

 Lara Michaels: Thanks Victor ( smiles)

Olanna Ugo: Victor is a friend and collegue. He is a renowned consultant doctor in psychiatry. He has worked in many hospitals across the globe. Helping the state of mental illness of individuals worldwide. By volunteering and treating individuals for free and influen…..( Lara cuts in)

Lara Michaels: I get it. I get it Lana.

Olanna: Okay! I’ll leave you guys to chat.

 I gwaped at him for  few seconds. “Are you a poet also! You must be French your accent is a little weird.”  I said.  He replied ” hmmn! You dont say. Not French actually, you’ll find out later”

Lara Michaels: I see, because I couldn’t quite get the accent during your poetry.

Victor Schmidt: Ahh! You figured me out already ( smiles)

Lara Michaels: Who wouldn’t. You poetry was beautiful, but not the best. The voice was so judgemental.

Victor Schmidt: hahaha( laughs) common on. I only said the truth. Apparently people don’t like the truth. I should know better. I’m a renowned psychiatrist remember.( he mentioned with his left eye brow raised, he was joking but I didn’t get the joke) Google me you’ll find my works everywhere.

Lara Michaels: You definitely think you know it all( chukkles)

Victor Schmidt: I do know a lot actually. I spent 12 years studying medicine. I did lots of night calls so I could shorten my residency of 5 years to 3 years. Which I did. I know a lot because I’m daring. I’m not scared to try. I think I see that in you as well. Keep up with that attitude and you’ll go places.

Lara Michaels: Trust me I have gone places for a 26 year old. You keep up your judgemental “I know it all” attitude. And you’ll loose your job.

Victor Schmidt: ( laughs out loud) I can’t loose my job. I’m a consultant in addiction psychiatry.

Lara Michaels: So… How does that change the fact that you’ll soon be jobless.

Victor Schmidt: ( chukkles) Psychiatrists that specialize in addiction psychiatry are rare all over the world, it’s difficult to loose you job as one. But if you do as a consultant you can get another job within 2 days. But then how would you have known that. Since you’re so naive and young. Little girl! 

Lara Michaels: “oh no! He didn’t”. ( I said facing Olanna). Did you hear what he just called me ” little girl”. ( Olanna made a face, smacking her lips together)

Victor Schmidt: No offense but you’re actually little in size. You should be around 5’3. You’re like a cute little gummy bear. ( chukkles). Grr! Grr!(His phone rings) Olanna sweetheart my wife’s calling, I have to go now.

 Olanna Ugo: ( clears throat) Okay Victor, say hello to Sara. 

 I turned to Olanna, ” did you hear what he called me, he’s so rude! I’m going after him” Olanna replied ” I’m so sorry babe he seemed rudeb but he was probably having a bad day, but you were rude too and I’m not just saying this because he’s a friend. But babe, let it go” 

 I was still there standing, thinking of my next move. I was so offended, I wanted to get back at him, so badly. So I went after him. ” Hey ” Gringo “ (“ gringo” it’s a mexican slang for a white man or woman). 

Victor Schmidt: Did you just call me “gringo“. Listen little girl I don’t have time for thi….( Lara cuts in)

Lara Michaels: How dare you call me little and naive. You have no idea what I’ve been through. Because of your white previledge and  coming from a rich and stable country you don’t know what it is to survive. All you Europeans are only good at being so judgemental. So you all think you’re  perfect. Well listen Gringo you don’t know half of the shit I’ve survived as “naive and little as I am” ( she said suspending her two hands in the air to illustrate her sarcasm for the phrase “naive little girl”.)

 Victor stood and gwaked at her, until she jerked him with her thin sharp voice. ” ooh so youll just stare and say nothig” she said. 

Victor Schmidt: I’m a little irked and confused. You don’t know me, look at you judging me due to my skin tone and my nationality. You don’t know the amount of pain I consume everyday. Some of us, don’t stay angry and judge people by what we see on the surface we actually do something. Congratulations you just became the president of the judgemental team. You know what Lara. Exercise burn some negative energy because you clearly have a lot to let out. If you’d excuse me I have a sick wife and mother to take care of..

 Victor dashed out of the muson centre and hopped into his van.I stood at the aisle watching him go. I suddenly felt some form of paralysis and speech defect till he left. I wanted to call him back to say ” I’m sorry, I over reacted” or “ I didn’t know you had this going on” or hug him. I wanted to say or do something but I couldn’t my mouth was so dry and my sense of speech was suddenly dead. My muscles felt like a machine that needed to be reacharged , because I couldn’t move them. I watched him drive off. Then I felt a tap. I looked around but everyone was doing their business. The tap was no one, it was my inner self waking me up. 

  I walked gently to where Olanna was, still flirting with the artist. And I asked her “what happened to his wife and mother? I didn’t know they were both sick. I was a jerk!

Olanna Ugo: I told you to leave it be,  Victor is a strong man. He has a lot going he can’t stand unneccesary drama. It’s not everytime you have to make a point Lara. Sometimes you need to just stay quite because you never know where the next person is coming from. ( The artist guy chipped in ” yea, Olanna is so right. You’re so smart sweetheart “.)

 I looked at him(Joe  the artist ) and rolled my eyes in disgust. Ooh please he just saying that so he could get a chance with her. Men… I thought to myself.

Lara Michaels: Please Olanna, tell me all about him. What happened to his wife and mother. Okay let’s talk over drinks.

 Olanna nodded her head in acceptance and we both went for a drink at ” bogobiri bar” in ikoyi about 15 minutes drive from Victoria island. We walked in my Peugeot and I drove out of TERRA KULTURE. I spent the whole 15 minutes listening to Olanna talking about Joe ( the artist guy ) and what they talked about, how they had so much in common. How he’s such an environmentalist. How he only use’s healthy, environmental friendly products for his arts. It was a horrible 15 minutes drive it felt like 3 hours, listening to how awesome and clean Joe had painted himself. Once when she asked what do you think. I said ” well he’s an artist a really good one actually ” but it was said sarcastically but she was blind to the sacarsm and kept talking or perhaps she decided to ignore it and bury herself in the illusion of “Joe the artist” the perfect match and so she could fulfil her sexket list number 10 and 15. Though my thoughts drifted from time to time, thoughts about Victor. What exactly he’s life is like. What could be wrong with his wife and mother. ..

Word of the day: Grandiose

 If youre indeed curious about Victor Schmidt’s life as I was. Check back  3 days time for chapter 2…. Feel free to hit the like button and leave your comments below ๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿ’ž


Life is Eccentric.

โ€‹Growing up is sometimes filled with delusions and dreams, some of which are fulfilled and well for others, we realise that our minds have failed us.

It is so funny now to remember that we all thought we were welcoming victory all the days of our lives. Or perhaps there is nothing funny here at all, and it is only that victory itself happens to be the identical twin of defeat.

You know, always having a glass of wine with victory is sometimes bland. Whatโ€™s the fun in routine? What happens to the quinessence of life – the concept of learning and getting better in every areas of our life?

Moreso, life will always strike a balance – some lose, some win. The truth is, defeat should be felt and victory should be mourned but defeat should not be regretted but learned from, though many at times we are livid at ourselves and situations that we blame for defeat.

But then these are times in our lives, that we understand that life is not always what we want it to be and that essentially, life is eccentric.

I leave you be…

 Words of seamless’may.


Grow OR stay stunted

โ€‹Why is there so many religion and very little love?

Why do we exist in an environment where there’s so much technological advancement and people still live in pain?

Why do we consume ourselves in the vague and shallow things and we forget the things that really matter?

So tell me why are we so consumed in ourselves that we don’t care about the next person?

Tell me why we spend so much in the love for money that we neglect our true selves.

Are we so entangled in the urge of being another, that we imitate the wrong things just to be accepted in the society?

 We sell our true selves for a penny just to be accepted by the people who care very little. Why?

  Money buys very little, it only gets you materials, it doesn’t get you love, affection,care then tell me why should you bury yourself for that. Money buys the temporary, money doesn’t define you. It is necessary, but do not sell yourself for money it brings so much sadness, pain, depression, regrets are the worst.

Learn to love, LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! 

YOU can love but you need to start with yourself, love yourself then you can love others! Love freely without expectations, sincere love is when you care freely without expecting anything in return from the one you care for.

 The Answer to our shallow society is love, love yourself today genuinely. Love isn’t being selfish it’s being selfless. When you understand the word selflessthen you can truely love freely.

 I know it’s hard! Oh God its hard! We live in an age where everything is staged. There’s so much bitterness in the world, so much hatred, so much pain, so much conflict. It’s sometimes consuming to be around all that. I get you.

But! But! It starts with you, it starts with how you treat the one next to you. It starts with how you respond to the next person. Smile at someone sometimes, you never know who you just saved doing that. Don’t forget to hug someone you see in pain.

  You can save a life doing the most little things. A change starts with you, starts with me, starts with us. It all depends on us all of us. If we decide to see the world in a positive direction or decide to remain a plant with a stunted growth.

  I leave you be….๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’ž

It’s honestly do not have any title for this. Just me talking.

โ€‹ I just finished a bottle of wine, I’m still sane. I’m just thinking, thought it was going to make me feel better. But only made things clearer. I have lost, I have fought, and I have survived. I have being confused, I have loved, I’ve been hurt a lot but I still didn’t stop believing. At some point I felt I have no match I’m just one individual different person. So what?

 I have scars, some you can see. Some you can’t. I let people in, I shut some people out. But there is something that we all struggle with sometimes, the fear of the unknown. What is tomorrow like? Can you keep pushing? Can you be a better person? In time all that answers itself. I lay on my sofa and I think, why do we dwell in our own sorrows. 

  Many people thinks it’s stupid to quit my massage job and be a caregiver, but I think its my own way of smiling after the sunsets. Agh! That beautiful view, you know at 4’O clock when your carpet is warm but cool. Damn I love the sunset!  

  I love every oppurnity to.help, because i have learnt that people leave whether you like it or not. So why not do it, and not live with regrets. Being a care giver is my own way of making a mark. My own way of feeling alive, useful. My own way of making a difference. What’s yours? It could be anything, it could be paying someone’s cab fare when they never expected it, or telling someone how beautiful they look today. Or what you admire about them. You could save a life without knowing. If you ever have a chance to help someone. Help! You don’t need to know them. You don’t need to get anything physical in return. You don’t need to over think about whether or not they really need help. You can’t say, you honestly can’t say, if you had the chance to help someone and because of your fear of being cheated or wanting something back, you don’t help you’ve wasted colours. Lots of it, and you’ve turned off you’re light and so some place is dark because of you.Because of your assumptions. If you can’t be happy at the moment it doesn’t mean any other person shouldn’t.

  Everyday before you close your eyes, ask yourself, what have I done today, this week, this month?  Have I changed a life positively, with my thoughts, words, actions. I’ve I made a positive difference. We’re not perfect so it fine to sometimes, to want to be extra extra careful. But the world is not just about you, I give to beggars when my heart wants to reach out to them. What if the person, was deceiving me. So what? How would you have been sure anyways. Here’s one simple truth, if you where in a position to help someone today. Perhaps mentally, physically, emotionally, psychologically or in whatever way and you don’t. You have wasted life, you have wasted hope, you wasted faith and you probably did change a life, only NOT positively.

 I’m writing this to reach out to anyone who might stumble upon this, life is sometimes hard. But it’s harder for some. So touch a life today, stop wasting colours. Hug someone today, tell them they’re beautiful, kiss them on the forehead, a smile can do a lot. If you have a crush on someone, tell he/she. If you like someone tell he/she, if you love someone tell them, there’s no shame in saying it. Don’t expect that they should know, words go a long way. 

 I will never apologize for who I am, I might not show that in person. We all have fears you know. And that bitch makes us weak. But I want to say just one thing. Never settle if you have the OPPURNITY NOT TO. 

 Be happy, be thoughtful, drop that pride sometimes, so you don’t loose someone you can never replace, you’re best friend, you’re genuine love. Your heart. 

  But then you might someday get a chance to love again, to feel alive again ,to live again. If you ever love, like or admire anyone never hesitate to tell them how you feel. Fuck that fear of rejection. Like I said fear is not your friend, neither is he your brother or your companion. Let him go sometimes or he makes you lose what you might never get again. Don’t just let life live through you, live through life itself.

                       I leave you be….

Words of seamless’may.

             ” CONATIVE”…

Will The Rose Grow Thorn’s!!


Love love love! Those words are understood differently, by different individuals from different cultures and different traditions. But here’s the thing “love as they say it is no respecter of  nationality, skin colour, gender,sexual preference” He hits us all one way or the other. Anyone can find themselves in the twist and turn of love. As much as some of us are cynical about it, deep down in our subconscious we want to feel, we want to have a taste of it. We want to love or to be loved. That’s what I think, What do you think?



Six months is long gone and Celeste and Ayman seem so happy together, going on vacations. Loving who they are around each other. Having dinners with family, meeting more family members at dinner parties. She really didn’t think it would be so beautiful, the relationship so real. So mature and so airy. Celeste has always felt that relationships that are so serious are Choky “but this was different she would say”. Lara found them really cute together. Ayman was supposed to come pick Celeste up for a get together with friends by 8 it was 15 minutes past seven when she heard knock on the door. ” oh that must be Ayman! So early” she said as she struggled to lock her necklace round her neck. She walked to the door opened it and while looking down to fix her sandal buckle she said ” babe this is quite early you know, very unusual”. And then she looked up and was stunned at who was standing right in front of her. Michael! Michael! She said aloud. ” what are you doing here she asked”. Michael replied ” Hi Celeste! But would you at least let me in”

 Michael: Thanks for letting me in, and I know you’re angry or confused about how I completely disappeared. But it wasn’t really my intentions a lot happen when I was in Ireland. I was robbed and stranded, I basically lived on the streets that’s why I couldn’t contact you. And then I had to start working in a funeral home to make some money so I don’t loose my admission. But then there was a riot one time, and I was shot I was in the ER for months on life support. So I got better and I couldn’t just think of a life without you that’s why I had to come back to Nigeria immediately. I’m nothing without you Celeste. I feel like my whole life was a mess because you were not there with me.

Celeste:  You disappeared for two years Michael leaving me hanging. I was so lost I couldn’t get through to you any how. You numbers where not available and you never responded to my email’s. Michael I have a good thing going on right now, don’t  complicate things for me. I really don’t need this drama.


Michael fell to his knees, holding Celeste’s feet together. 

Michael: Babe I have never for once stopped thinking about you, I only did breathe properly when I saw your face. You’re still as pretty as you were, still as gentle and gracefully. I can’t imagine a life with someone else, Celeste. Look at me, just look at me I’m walking with a cast around my neck. I’m for real babe and I’ve come back for you.

Celeste:  I’m very sorry all that happened to you, and I really would like to help in any way I can. But to be with you again! Now! Isn’t possible Michael. I’m in a relationship, a really good one, and its fresh I don’t want it darted by this. So all we can be is friends Michael, nothing more. But I’ll help in anyway I can. 

Michael bursted into tears …

Michael: (sobbing) I understand Celeste, I perfectly do. But I don’t even have where to stay for now, you know I have no parents, nobody! Everyone I love is dead expect you. But I guess now I have to accept the fact that I’m all alone in this world. ( still sobbing).

 Celeste assist him up saying….

Celeste:  You’re not alone you still got me, but as “A friend and nothing more”. So stop crying,  I’ll hold your hands through this tough time,  and you can crash here for a while till you get yourself together.


Michael hugged Celeste, and pecked her on the cheeks thanks so much thanks babe.

Celeste: You’re welcome, but stop calling me babe. I don’t think Ayman will like that, that’s what we call each other. You can call me anything else.

Michael: Anything else! Anything else like what, ” babe ” that’s what we call each other. And by the way whose Ayman? Is that the supposed boyfriend ?

Celeste: Michael! Michael! Stop being so melodramatic. Okay! Just shut it, I’m still very overwhelmed by all this. Give me a break. 


Celeste walked to the refrigerator grabbed a bottle of orange juice and opened it. When she heard a knock on the door, Michael being closer to the door opened it. And said ” Hi how may I help you”. Ayman replied ” ooh hi, I’m Ayman. I’m here to pick up Celeste “. Michael gawked at him, with a smirk on his face. ” ooh so you’re Ayman , nice to meet you” he said shaking Ayman. “Come on in Celeste has been waiting for you”. 

Celeste: who’s that! Who’s at the door Michael!. Ooh hey babe. You took so long today. ( Celeste said to Ayman)

Ayman: huh! Michael huh!  The runaway guy. He finally came back. Exclusive! ( Ayman sad sarcastically).

Michael stared at Ayman smiling, and thinking of how much fun it would be to compete with Ayman. Michael has always loved competition, he always looks for every avenue to evince to the world that he’s just the perfect guy. Show off business is he’s passion and drive. He’s always prepared for a show off, and never misses he’s lines. Always keeping to the script. Which he of course wrote himself. 

Celeste: Yea, babe. This is Michael my ex, erm… A lot has happened. Can we just head over to my room, I want to speak to you for a second. ( Celeste said to Ayman).


Celeste excused herself saying…

Celeste: Hey Michael, I’ll be right back. Make yourself comfortable.

Michael: I sure will. 


Celeste walks Ayman into the room, and bolts the door. ” Hey babe, I’m so sorry for all this drama, I really didn’t know he was going to just try to walk back into my life. He showed up today, saying all sorts that happened to him. How he’s been robbed, and spent time in the ER” …

Ayman: (sighs) huuuhhh! Well what is going to happen now, are you thinking of going back to him since you were technically married to him?Where does that leave me Celeste!

Celeste: I don’t know Ayman I’m so confused…

Ayman: You don’t know? That’s all you’re going to say Celeste! I don’t know? Celeste we have an awesome thing going on, unnecessary drama ruins everything. Dont let it dart this.

 Celeste: Baby we’re going to be fine, I probably just need some time to think. I can’t push him away just like, we where married even if we were only together for 3months before we lost contact, but then we dated for 3years. Now he’s homeless injured and lost. I cant just abandon him. But I’ll try to figure this out. And I promise not to get you so darted.

Ayman: Celeste! What happens when I run out of bandages. What happens when I’m only bleeding and left with no bandages. Who would fix me Celeste! That’s my problem with drama, that’s what it does Celeste, it confuses and saps you off all you your energy. And probably leaves you with nothing but regrets. I’m in love with you Celeste and that’s why I’m even saying so much. Ordinarily I wouldn’t, unnecessary drama kills Celeste. It kills the mind. Celeste you know what being with you does in my life, everything you do makes me smile especially when you talk so passionately about politics or how myopic humans can be. I just love everything that makes you, YOU. And I really want you to stay, but if this drama continues I probably might just take the highroad because drama makes me loose myself. I don’t want to ever be that man.

Celeste: So you’re saying you’re going to leave me!

Ayman: Is that the only thing you picked out from what I said, really Celeste! 

Celeste: You’re not the only one who finds this difficult, confusing and dramatic. I didn’t say I was going to leave you. And you’re already thinking of walking away Ayman! Just like that! 

Ayman: Celeste you’re over thinking this, I’m the one who feels powerless here. You still married to this guy. And you’ve known him longer than you have known me. You technically still belong to him. So I’m so soo… I don’t even know how I feel right now.

Celeste:  I think I just need some space and time to think. He’s going to be staying here for a while, he has no where else to go. Which makes everything super complicated.

Ayman: Why would you agree to that? To him staying here Celeste. Does Lara know about this?

Celeste : Not yet, but I’ll tell her soon.

Ayman: Okay, I’ll give you all the time you need.we’ll talk later.

Celeste: Ayman! I love you. And If I was left to choose I would always choose you.

Ayman: Well, life huh!

 Ayman walks out of the door, he’s eyes were now so teary. He walked to the living room, Michael tried to say goodbye but Ayman ignored and drove off.

Celeste leaned on the door, gradually fell to the ground and broke down in tears. She cried for a few minutes, went to the bathroom washed her face and went to check on Michael.

Celeste: Hey Michael, sorry for taking so long. Here’s the keys to the spare room, there’s food in the kitchen whenever you feel hungry. Make yourself comfortable. I need to be alone for a while please do not disturb unless it’s life threaten.

Michael: Hey Celeste, are you Okay? I’m here if you need to talk.

Celeste: I’m fine thanks, if you really want to help. Give me some space.

Michael:. I sure will, I completely understand.

 Celeste left for the room jumped on her bed and fell face down on her favourite feather pillow. Sobbing. And she thought to herself, “do I choose a guy I had met in only six months, and feels like my soulmate over  someone that was supposed to be my husband for years.”

Celeste was left in a big choosing game, where she can’t have both. Will she be smart enough to pick right or will she be blinded by emotions and be myopic.