I honestly do not have any title for this. Just me talking.

‚Äč I just finished a bottle of wine, I’m still sane. I’m just thinking, thought it was going to make me feel better. But only made things clearer. I have lost, I have fought, and I have survived. I have being confused, I have loved, I’ve been hurt a lot but I still didn’t stop believing. At some point I felt I have no match I’m just one individual different person. So what?

 I have scars, some you can see. Some you can’t. I let people in, I shut some people out. But there is something that we all struggle with sometimes, the fear of the unknown. What is tomorrow like? Can you keep pushing? Can you be a better person? In time all that answers itself. I lay on my sofa and I think, why do we dwell in our own sorrows. 

  Many people thinks it’s stupid to quit my massage job and be a caregiver, but I think its my own way of smiling after the sunsets. Agh! That beautiful view, you know at 4’O clock when your carpet is warm but cool. Damn I love the sunset!  

  I love every oppurnity to.help, because i have learnt that people leave whether you like it or not. So why not do it, and not live with regrets. Being a care giver is my own way of making a mark. My own way of feeling alive, useful. My own way of making a difference. What’s yours? It could be anything, it could be paying someone’s cab fare when they never expected it, or telling someone how beautiful they look today. Or what you admire about them. You could save a life without knowing. If you ever have a chance to help someone. Help! You don’t need to know them. You don’t need to get anything physical in return. You don’t need to over think about whether or not they really need help. You can’t say, you honestly can’t say, if you had the chance to help someone and because of your fear of being cheated or wanting something back, you don’t help you’ve wasted colours. Lots of it, and you’ve turned off you’re light and so some place is dark because of you.Because of your assumptions. If you can’t be happy at the moment it doesn’t mean any other person shouldn’t.

  Everyday before you close your eyes, ask yourself, what have I done today, this week, this month?  Have I changed a life positively, with my thoughts, words, actions. I’ve I made a positive difference. We’re not perfect so it fine to sometimes, to want to be extra extra careful. But the world is not just about you, I give to beggars when my heart wants to reach out to them. What if the person, was deceiving me. So what? How would you have been sure anyways. Here’s one simple truth, if you where in a position to help someone today. Perhaps mentally, physically, emotionally, psychologically or in whatever way and you don’t. You have wasted life, you have wasted hope, you wasted faith and you probably did change a live, only NOT positively.

 I’m writing this to reach out to anyone who might stumple upon this, life is sometimes hard. But it’s harder for some. So touch a life today, stop wasting colours. Hug someone today, tell them they’re beautiful, kiss them on the forehead, a smile can do a lot. If you have a crush on someone, tell he/she. If you like someone tell he/she, if you love someone tell them, there’s no shame in saying it. Don’t expect that they should know, words go a long way. 

 I will never apologize for who I am, I might not show that in person. We all have fears you know. And that bitch makes us weak. But I want to say just one thing. Never settle if you have the OPPURNITY NOT TO. 

 Be happy, be thoughtful, drop that pride sometimes, so you don’t loose someone you can never replace, you’re best friend, you’re genuine love. Your heart. 

  But then you might someday get a chance to love again, to feel alive again ,to live again. If you ever love, like or admire anyone never hesitate to tell them how you feel. Fuck that fear of rejection. Like I said fear is not your friend, neither is he your brother or your companion. Let him go sometimes or he makes you lose what you might never get again. Don’t just let life live through you, live through life itself.

                       I leave you be….

Words of seamless’may.

             ” CONATIVE”…

I honestly don’t have a title for this.

 I just finished a bottle of wine, I’m still sane. I’m just thinking, thought it was going to make me feel better. But only made things clearer. I have lost, I have fought, and I have survived. I have being confused, I have loved, I’ve been hurt a lot but I still didn’t stop believing. At some point I felt I have no match I’m just one individual different person. So what?

 I have scars, some you can see. Some you can’t. I let people in, I shut some people out. But there is something that we all struggle with sometimes, the fear of the unknown. What is tomorrow like? Can you keep pushing? Can you be a better person? In time all that answers itself. I lay on my sofa and I think, why do we dwell in our own sorrows. 

  Many people thinks it’s stupid to quit my massage job and be a caregiver, but I think its my own way of smiling after the sunsets. Agh! That beautiful view, you know at 4’O clock when your carpet is warm but cool. Damn I love the sunset!  

  I love every oppurnity to.help, becayse i have learnt that people live whether you like it or not. So why not do.it not, and not live with regrets. Being a care giver is my own way of making a mark. My own way of feeling alive, useful. My own way of making a difference. What’s yours? It could be anything, it could be paying someone’s cab fare when they never expected it, or telling someone how beautiful they look today. Or what you admire about them. You could save a live without knowing. If you ever have a chance to help someone. Help! You don’t need to know them. You don’t need to get anything physical in return. You don’t need to over think about whether or not they really need help. You can’t say, you honestly can’t say, if you had the chance to help someone and because of your fear of being cheated or wanting something back, you don’t help you’ve wasted colours. Lots of it, and you’ve turned off you’re light and so some place is dark because of you.Because of your assumptions. If you can’t be happy at the moment it doesn’t mean any other person shouldn’t.

  Everyday before you close your eyes, ask yourself, what have I done today, this week, this month?  Have I changed a life positively, with my thoughts, words, actions. I’ve I made a positive difference. We’re not perfect so it fine to sometimes, to want to be extra extra careful. But the world is not just about you, I give to beggars when my heart wants to reach out to them. What if the person, was deceiving me. So what? How would you have been sure anyways. Here’s one simple truth, if you where in a position to help someone today. Perhaps mentally, physically, emotionally, psychologically or in whatever way and you don’t. You have wasted life, you have wasted hope, you wasted faith and you probably did change a live, only NOT positively.

 I’m writing this to reach out to anyone who might stumple upon this, life is sometimes hard. But it’s harder for some. So touch a life today, stop wasting colours. Hug someone today, tell them they’re beautiful, kiss them on the forehead, a smile can do a lot. If you have a crush on someone, tell he/she. If you like someone tell he/she, if you love someone tell them, there’s no shame in saying it. Don’t expect that they should know, words go a long way. 

 I will never apologize for who I am, I might not show that in person. We all have fears you know. And that bitch makes us weak. But I want to say just one thing. Never settle if you have the OPPURNITY NOT TO. 

 Be happy, be thoughtful, drop that pride sometimes, so you don’t loose someone you can never replace, you’re best friend, you’re genuine love. Your heart. 

  But then you might someday get a chance to love again, to feel alive again ,to live again. If you ever love, like or admire anyone never hesitate to tell them how you feel. Fuck that fear of rejection. Like I said fear is not your friend, neither is he your brother or your companion. Let him go sometimes or he makes you lose what you might never get again. Don’t just let life live through you, live through life itself.

                       I leave you be….

Words of seamless’may.

             ” CONATIVE”…

Will The Rose Grow Thorn’s!!

   
   

Love love love! Those words are understood differently, by different individuals from different cultures and different traditions. But here’s the thing “love as they say it is no respecter of  nationality, skin colour, gender,sexual preference” He hits us all one way or the other. Anyone can find themselves in the twist and turn of love. As much as some of us are cynical about it, deep down in our subconscious we want to feel, we want to have a taste of it. We want to love or to be loved. That’s what I think, What do you think?

  

 

Six months is long gone and Celeste and Ayman seem so happy together, going on vacations. Loving who they are around each other. Having dinners with family, meeting more family members at dinner parties. She really didn’t think it would be so beautiful, the relationship so real. So mature and so airy. Celeste has always felt that relationships that are so serious are Choky “but this was different she would say”. Lara found them really cute together. Ayman was supposed to come pick Celeste up for a get together with friends by 8 it was 15 minutes past seven when she heard knock on the door. ” oh that must be Ayman! So early” she said as she struggled to lock her necklace round her neck. She walked to the door opened it and while looking down to fix her sandal buckle she said ” babe this is quite early you know, very unusual”. And then she looked up and was stunned at who was standing right in front of her. Michael! Michael! She said aloud. ” what are you doing here she asked”. Michael replied ” Hi Celeste! But would you at least let me in”

 Michael: Thanks for letting me in, and I know you’re angry or confused about how I completely disappeared. But it wasn’t really my intentions a lot happen when I was in Ireland. I was robbed and stranded, I basically lived on the streets that’s why I couldn’t contact you. And then I had to start working in a funeral home to make some money so I don’t loose my admission. But then there was a riot one time, and I was shot I was in the ER for months on life support. So I got better and I couldn’t just think of a life without you that’s why I had to come back to Nigeria immediately. I’m nothing without you Celeste. I feel like my whole life was a mess because you were not there with me.



Celeste:  You disappeared for two years Michael leaving me hanging. I was so lost I couldn’t get through to you any how. You numbers where not available and you never responded to my email’s. Michael I have a good thing going on right now, don’t  complicate things for me. I really don’t need this drama.

 

Michael fell to his knees, holding Celeste’s feet together. 

Michael: Babe I have never for once stopped thinking about you, I only did breathe properly when I saw your face. You’re still as pretty as you were, still as gentle and gracefully. I can’t imagine a life with someone else, Celeste. Look at me, just look at me I’m walking with a cast around my neck. I’m for real babe and I’ve come back for you.

Celeste:  I’m very sorry all that happened to you, and I really would like to help in any way I can. But to be with you again! Now! Isn’t possible Michael. I’m in a relationship, a really good one, and its fresh I don’t want it darted by this. So all we can be is friends Michael, nothing more. But I’ll help in anyway I can. 

Michael bursted into tears …

Michael: (sobbing) I understand Celeste, I perfectly do. But I don’t even have where to stay for now, you know I have no parents, nobody! Everyone I love is dead expect you. But I guess now I have to accept the fact that I’m all alone in this world. ( still sobbing).

 Celeste assist him up saying….

Celeste:  You’re not alone you still got me, but as “A friend and nothing more”. So stop crying,  I’ll hold your hands through this tough time,  and you can crash here for a while till you get yourself together.

 

Michael hugged Celeste, and pecked her on the cheeks thanks so much thanks babe.

Celeste: You’re welcome, but stop calling me babe. I don’t think Ayman will like that, that’s what we call each other. You can call me anything else.

Michael: Anything else! Anything else like what, ” babe ” that’s what we call each other. And by the way whose Ayman? Is that the supposed boyfriend ?

Celeste: Michael! Michael! Stop being so melodramatic. Okay! Just shut it, I’m still very overwhelmed by all this. Give me a break. 

 

Celeste walked to the refrigerator grabbed a bottle of orange juice and opened it. When she heard a knock on the door, Michael being closer to the door opened it. And said ” Hi how may I help you”. Ayman replied ” ooh hi, I’m Ayman. I’m here to pick up Celeste “. Michael gawked at him, with a smirk on his face. ” ooh so you’re Ayman , nice to meet you” he said shaking Ayman. “Come on in Celeste has been waiting for you”. 

Celeste: who’s that! Who’s at the door Michael!. Ooh hey babe. You took so long today. ( Celeste said to Ayman)

Ayman: huh! Michael huh!  The runaway guy. He finally came back. Exclusive! ( Ayman sad sarcastically).
 

Michael stared at Ayman smiling, and thinking of how much fun it would be to compete with Ayman. Michael has always loved competition, he always looks for every avenue to evince to the world that he’s just the perfect guy. Show off business is he’s passion and drive. He’s always prepared for a show off, and never misses he’s lines. Always keeping to the script. Which he of course wrote himself. 

Celeste: Yea, babe. This is Michael my ex, erm… A lot has happened. Can we just head over to my room, I want to speak to you for a second. ( Celeste said to Ayman).

 

Celeste excused herself saying…

Celeste: Hey Michael, I’ll be right back. Make yourself comfortable.

Michael: I sure will. 

 

Celeste walks Ayman into the room, and bolts the door. ” Hey babe, I’m so sorry for all this drama, I really didn’t know he was going to just try to walk back into my life. He showed up today, saying all sorts that happened to him. How he’s been robbed, and spent time in the ER” …

Ayman: (sighs) huuuhhh! Well what is going to happen now, are you thinking of going back to him since you were technically married to him?Where does that leave me Celeste!

Celeste: I don’t know Ayman I’m so confused…

Ayman: You don’t know? That’s all you’re going to say Celeste! I don’t know? Celeste we have an awesome thing going on, unnecessary drama ruins everything. Dont let it dart this.

 Celeste: Baby we’re going to be fine, I probably just need some time to think. I can’t push him away just like, we where married even if we were only together for 3months before we lost contact, but then we dated for 3years. Now he’s homeless injured and lost. I cant just abandon him. But I’ll try to figure this out. And I promise not to get you so darted.

Ayman: Celeste! What happens when I run out of bandages. What happens when I’m only bleeding and left with no bandages. Who would fix me Celeste! That’s my problem with drama, that’s what it does Celeste, it confuses and saps you off all you your energy. And probably leaves you with nothing but regrets. I’m in love with you Celeste and that’s why I’m even saying so much. Ordinarily I wouldn’t, unnecessary drama kills Celeste. It kills the mind. Celeste you know what being with you does in my life, everything you do makes me smile especially when you talk so passionately about politics or how myopic humans can be. I just love everything that makes you, YOU. And I really want you to stay, but if this drama continues I probably might just take the highroad because drama makes me loose myself. I don’t want to ever be that man.

Celeste: So you’re saying you’re going to leave me!

Ayman: Is that the only thing you picked out from what I said, really Celeste! 

Celeste: You’re not the only one who finds this difficult, confusing and dramatic. I didn’t say I was going to leave you. And you’re already thinking of walking away Ayman! Just like that! 

Ayman: Celeste you’re over thinking this, I’m the one who feels powerless here. You still married to this guy. And you’ve known him longer than you have known me. You technically still belong to him. So I’m so soo… I don’t even know how I feel right now.

Celeste:  I think I just need some space and time to think. He’s going to be staying here for a while, he has no where else to go. Which makes everything super complicated.

Ayman: Why would you agree to that? To him staying here Celeste. Does Lara know about this?

Celeste : Not yet, but I’ll tell her soon.

Ayman: Okay, I’ll give you all the time you need.we’ll talk later.

Celeste: Ayman! I love you. And If I was left to choose I would always choose you.

Ayman: Well, life huh!

 Ayman walks out of the door, he’s eyes were now so teary. He walked to the living room, Michael tried to say goodbye but Ayman ignored and drove off.

Celeste leaned on the door, gradually fell to the ground and broke down in tears. She cried for a few minutes, went to the bathroom washed her face and went to check on Michael.

Celeste: Hey Michael, sorry for taking so long. Here’s the keys to the spare room, there’s food in the kitchen whenever you feel hungry. Make yourself comfortable. I need to be alone for a while please do not disturb unless it’s life threaten.

Michael: Hey Celeste, are you Okay? I’m here if you need to talk.

Celeste: I’m fine thanks, if you really want to help. Give me some space.

Michael:. I sure will, I completely understand.

 Celeste left for the room jumped on her bed and fell face down on her favourite feather pillow. Sobbing. And she thought to herself, “do I choose a guy I had met in only six months, and feels like my soulmate over  someone that was supposed to be my husband for years.”

Celeste was left in a big choosing game, where she can’t have both. Will she be smart enough to pick right or will she be blinded by emotions and be myopic.

  FIND OUT ON THE NEXT CHAPTER OF “THE ADVENTURES OF A MASSEUSE LIVING IN LAGOS”.