Violence is any action intended to cause destruction, pain or suffering. It could be physical, verbal or emotional. Who comes to mind when we hear DOMESTIC VIOLENCE? ……….. WOMEN. Although Women are the most common victims of domestic violence, we are truthfully not the only victims
One early morning, I came across a poem pasted on the window of some store front while I was serving the father land. The paper on which it was typed was tattered and rough but the words written on it never faded. And its title; THE IRRITATING COMPANION still stood gallant. Most people there could have easily overlooked it but I couldn’t not because I knew what was written on it but because something so odd couldn’t have passed my curious eyes. The poem goes thus;
Whenever I wake in the morning
That I will set my eyes on my companion
Her presence will often disgust my sight
That sadness and anger will become my immediate plight.
. This has become my often habit
Especially when I have no penny in my pocket
For she will always need money
To make her body as sweet as honey
And when I will not provide it
Then she must nag me all night.
I have never liked her attitude
No matter the weather or altitude
And she will always plague my life
With her tongue that will often be as sharp as a butcher knife.
She often compares me to my friend John Bull
Telling me that is bank account is fat
That mine is as empty as a dry pool
Then she would reply to me as a poor church rat.
For these, I have never been happy
Staying or being together with her
For her behavior will always be nasty
Making my body temperature higher.
And now I have gone hiding
In a distance far away land
Where she can never find me
Or see my face that is now smiling.
I have no clue of who wrote this sad but beautiful poem. But his words are words of hurt, pain and heartbreak. His irritating companion as he so meekly put it didn’t do what every woman should do for their partners; BUILD HIM instead she broke him. Nagging is a form of verbal domestic abuse. And a few percentage of men in the world have to live through this. When words of discouragement and disappoinment are being rained down it kills the Ego be you man woman or child. Hurtful words from those you love knows not who you are. It comes crashing down and crushes your soul. Men are naturally egocentric and when subdued in an abusive relationship it kills their ego slowly. It lowers their self esteem and belittles them. Nobody likes a nagger. Nobody likes to be belittled. We have but two choices, we either MAKE or BREAK our man.
All men are not the same, some stronger than others. some the tenacity of their endurance knows no bounds and others just simply lack it. Dosmetic violence I believe is a Cycle. GARBAGE IN GARBAGE OUT. Nagging women sometimes dig their own graves. It is just a matter of time before their partner snaps. Some men after being subdued to verbal violence endures and well becomes miserable until he leaves the TOXIC relationship like our ANONYMOUS writer. Others less enduring would beat the living day light out of their partners, with the hopes that they would beat it out of her system or maybe, just maybe it feels good to hurt her back.
But you don’t nag you begin to say, you love him, you care for him, you support him but still you are his personal punching bag. Beautiful lady, I urge you to get out fast. You owe him nothing, well not your life at least. Some men after being faced with utter frustration at work or outside their relationship they bring it all back in. He thinks beating on his partner makes him strong and more in control whereas He is timid and insecure. He has no control out in the world, He is not happy at work, His boss gives him shit or worst still he doesn’t even have a job. His friends are smater, better looking and happier. Things are not going his way. He is a sore loser, he is angry and frustrated. He comes home and takes it out on you. He sees you and thinks i should have control here, she is weaker(physically ofcourse). He beats on you like the monsters haunting him would go up in flames. GARBAGE IN GARBAGE OUT. Save yourself and get out of the toxic relationship, you definitely can do better.Don’t wait till you have been crippled. Domestic violence is a cycle but it can be broken. Just like a chain, it has a weak link. You just got to get out. And always remember, You are strong, you are smart, you are beautiful.
Domestic abuse can be physical or mental abuse, if you are in a relationship with someone who does not respect your decision, your dream , your opinion. Then why settle for less, why settle for someone who would gradually kill your self esteem. Life is short, it makes no sense spending quality time being unhappy. Whether you’re a male or female, though we might be different in body structure, sense of reasoning. But we all have one heart, one soul, one life. Everyone deserves to be happy, they say happiness is a choice that’s a lie. It is a Paramount , I wasted quality time in an unhappy relationship. And now all I can think of is the time, the resources I wasted. The beautiful people I pushed away because of the sacrifices I made for someone who wasn’t worth it. So I have been an object to a mental domestic abuse it almost killed me. A friend once said that worst kind of domestic abuse is the mental one, because then the scars cannot be seen, and most people suffer in silence.
I urge you, get out of any relationship that makes you feel lesser, physically, psychologically and emotionally. If you think that you cannot do better, that you are nothing without him or her. Well do yourself a favour, take a break for a while meet different people and different culture. Everyone has a match, it might take a while, and it might not be a perfect relationship, but it would be worth it. To feel good about yourself, to be loved sincerely and passionately. Know that life is not always negative, there is a whole lot out there, so decide to be happy and “don’t let the sun stay bruised”
I leave you be….
This article is written by Lima Liaz and seamless ‘may.
Word for the day – Enamé